What I don’t tell you about my weird obsession over gay romance

by - 4:36 AM

It was Saturday. My class had only just had a quiz. We were outside discussing the paper when a friend solemnly looked at me and said, “Kez, there’s something I need to ask you. Will you be honest?” I was like, Ooo-kay? She said, “Are you gay?”
I couldn’t decide if I should laugh out loud or seriously tell her that I wasn’t. I didn’t think either would sound very convincing. Since I advocate for gay rights so passionately on social media and am very candid about my fondness for gay romance, I think it’s only natural that people doubt my sexuality. This wasn’t even the first time I’d been asked the question.
I managed to tell her that I wasn’t. Then why am I an enthusiast of gay love? As much as it may sound weird, it’s not. There are psychological reasons explaining why straight girls are into gay men. So well yeah obviously I’m not alone.
Did you know that George R. R Martin would get a lot of fan mails asking for explicit male-male sex scenes in Game of Thrones? Most of them were women. I’m definitely not the only one swooning over Loras and Renly. Martin responded by saying that none of the characters through whose viewpoint the story is being told are gay, so there has not yet been any vivid gay sex scenes in the books. Unlike him, the T.V adaptation makers don’t have that confinement. Martin said, “It's not a democracy. You can’t just insert things because everyone wants to see them.” That’s quite true. If he’d let us take over the storyline, we’d have instantly killed Geoffrey and Ramsy in the worst manners imaginable.
Then we’d have made Loras and Renly Lord and Lord of High Garden. xD  

Anyway, back to my obsession with gay relationships, it’s quite natural for straight women to either easily get along, or fall in love with gay men. Majority of my celebrity crushes are either gay or bi-curious. My favorite singer is gay. All the fictional couples (from books and T.V) I ship are gay. An anonymous online writer I’ve recently fallen in love with is gay. Most of my real-life crushes are probably gay too. I’d not easily be attracted to straight straight guys because some of them are arrogant self-righteous assholes, bent on sexualizing women, spreading ugly rumors about their exes, and imposing their masculinity over the opposite sex. My self-respect would never allow me to be dominated by a male counterpart.
So here are seven logical reasons behind this seemingly unusual fascination of mine over same-sex relationships.  
1.     It’s all about balance of power in a relationship
In a typical male-female relationship, women are usually the weaker sex. They appear more demure, dependent and feminine. Where as in a male-male relationship, there is more balance of power between the partners. They appear to be equals, both capable of commanding. Unlike in a straight relationship, here there is less dominance of one partner over the other. Therefore, strong, independent and open-minded women tend to be attracted to gay relationships because this sense of equality is what they seek. We’re only exhibiting our inner feminist selves.  
2.     I’m always looking for extraordinary
Different, smart people who know things fascinate me. I have always known that I don’t belong in the mundane. I’d look for ways to rebel, and be different, but in ways that don’t bring unnecessary trouble. I wouldn’t go on a drunk-hooliganism spree. That kind of negative drama is just not what I want in my life. There are more important things.
It’s very common, for instance, for people in my college to wear grey sweats after class. I own two pairs of sweats that I rarely wear. I mostly wear skirts, poncho, skinny-pants and hoodies. I think being like everyone else is the most boring thing a person can ever want to be. So my love for same-sex relationship is another way of fighting the social and cultural forces that compel conforming. I have obediently done enough of that in schools. This society is not stripping me off of any more originality. Blending in with the background has never been my thing. I think I’m naturally drawn to anything that seems out of normal, and is beautiful. Gay is definitely it.
3.     Gay men are the kindest souls
Do you have gay or bi-curious friends? Then you know how very kind and beautiful they are inside. They’re gentle, sensitive and nice. They will listen to you no matter how banal and self-absorbed your talks/complaints may sound. They have the largest hearts because they have been through the struggle of finding themselves and seeking acceptance in the society. They are less judgmental because they know what it feels like to be judged.
Although they may appear to be more effeminate than straight guys, they can be gentlemen around girls. They will occasionally pull you a chair, hold the door, let you walk first, and make you feel special. That’s exactly what girls want in a relationship. Someone who will understand us, care for us without all the pretence of appearing manly, listen to us, won’t judge us. Straight guys can’t give us all of that. 
4.     Gay romance gives me the butterflies
No, seriously. My stomach hurts whenever something overly cute happens. Some people might confuse it with getting turned on. That’s far from what’s actually it. This feeling is more like the sweet pain in your stomach after you’ve kissed your date for the first time, or something like that. I absolutely am in love with gay people with no expectation of return. This must be what true love feels like.
5.      Gay men are good-looking
As much as this sounds overly generalized, gay men do look better than most straight guys. That’s because they actually make an effort to look clean and good. I like nice guys who dress well. Who doesn’t?
6.     The BOOM-factor
Look, straight girls are into guys, right? One guy? Nice. TWO guys? It’s like BOOM. It’s really that simple.
7.     We must be addicted to the pain that comes with unrequited love.

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1 comments

  1. I can see nothing to get confused about. I always see you as girl, how many I read your gay love story. And your **** itself indicates, you are a girl only. Anyway I love your writes. Wish I can be a writer like you who can drop everything down on paper with a pen.

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